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Wednesday, March 29, 2006 @8:15 PM

it's so difficult to give a reaction. i just don't understand what should i do. to do nothing which is to ignore the whole thing and would it be uncaring of me to do so? it just gets on my nerve that whenever such a situation happens, i cannot do anything, feel so helpless and irritated. and especially when i'm asked about it, i am totally clueless on what to say. i dislike this sense of insecurity and sense of doubt. i have no freaking idea what should i do. can someone please enlighten me on it, am i suppose to do something? or am i suppose walk away and pretend nothing is wrong? why is it so difficult to react? if only reactions would lead to no consequences, both good or bad. but in life, nothing is that easy, there are consequences staring back at me, maybe even haunt me for the rest of my life. this whole thing stinks, it lingers around, sticking with me for the rest of day. keep reflecting on the whole issue, with same questions crossing my mind again and again. keep wondering if i'm in the wrong, that i shouldn't feel that way, i should be less hot-tempered and stubborn. and i realized that it's absolutely difficult to just give a smile and pretend nothing has gone wrong, nothing is affecting me currently, and that i'm alright. smiling could never have been so difficult, and last so shortly. hmmm, i don't feel anything about the paper i receieved today. i have no feelings towards it. you may feel a sense of accomplishment/happiness/satisfaction, but really i feel nothing. don't congratulate me, it's nothing (even though it has never happen to me before). seriously, that's how i feel.

♥ lost for words and i drift.

& PROFILE


Kristal Chan. 18. 120988.
nickname: spongebob. BTH. plucks/strums (classical) guitar.
plmgss. 4B1. handbells.
first three months - nyjc. 05S6E [1st3mths]. 05S5B. judo.
loves blink 182, linkin park and mcr. music is a great way to blast away the frustrations.
#1 rock IDOL => g4v! wants to BEG g4v to teach me to play the electric guitar after j2 shit! ((:
longs to have an electric guitar plus an amplifier.
wants to go round the world to sample ALL the types of CHEESE.

calendar.
+ a level :S (2 nov to 17 nov)
+ after a's: going crazy! having fun with clique!
+ 28 nov: mum's birthday
+ 1 dec: cheryl's birthday
+ 30 nov - 3 dec: guangzhou
+ 5 dec: prom :S
+ 11 dec - 14 dec: church camp
+ photography
+ learning to play electric guitar


& LINKS

BTH.
buffaLOW.
BIG head.
AYE.
monkey.
wengs.

3B1 (2003)/4B1 (2004).
Cheryl Wee.
Eleanor.
Freesia.
Janice.
Pearlly.
Shirin.
Ting En.
Vanessa Chue.
Winnie.

Handbells.
Annabel.
Elizabeth Eng.
Hui Zi.
Jing Hui.
Lena.
Maureen. [piglet]
Melissa Chua.
Melissa Png.
Pearl.
Pearly.
PL Handbells Alumni.
Qian Ru.
Wan Yi aka mlfcp.

sfivebees.
sfivebees blog! (:
Hui Ting. [darling]
Jamie.
Jolene.
Kimsoon the great.=)
Samuel.
Weifang.
Xin Li's 1st.
Xin Li's 2nd.

Others.
Angela. [DEAREST]
Baby Caleb.
Colleen.
DEBBIE!
Jasmine Wee.
Jessica.
Jeslin.
Kelli. [senior?]
Kitsoon.
Michelle. [tall babe]
Peizhi.
*philicia(:(:(:
QinQi.
Rachel Lim.
Ruth.
Shufen.
tingyi.
Vivian Tan.
Wan Jie.
Weekeat.
Wen Qi.
Zong Xia. [MY LOVELY GF]

Sites.

Blink 182 lyrics.
Blogger.
Blog skins.
Friendster.
Guitar Tabs.
Haloscan.
Imagestation.
Linkin Park lyrics.
Linkin Park tabs.
Madblast.
mp3 shits.
Msealsmusic.
my dusty blogdrive account.
Nanyang JC webbie.
Yahoo.

& ARCHIVES

June 2003
July 2003
August 2003
September 2003
October 2003
November 2003
December 2003
January 2004
February 2004
March 2004
April 2004
May 2004
June 2004
July 2004
August 2004
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007


& ARTICULATE

omg, i can't live without haloscan. ):



& CREDITS

this layout was done by jeanette. the fonts were from dafont,image was from threadless and brushes were from 100x100.pls do not take out the credits. :]